My name is Chelsea Lyles-Jackson I’m 26, I’m a wife, mom etc. I work full time from home now. I guess my story starts off pretty typical. My mother raised my brother and I. We had a pretty good child hood, we had it rough, but we were well taken care of and loved. I would describe the child me as shy, sweet for the most part lol, sensitive, and giving. I went through my rebellious period as a teen and a young adult. I would say I had big dreams, goals, I’ve always wanted to help people in any way I could. I thought I knew everything and that I was grown too. Although, I allowed different experiences to take me hostage and set me backwards, and over time I know I lost myself early. There were times we were without a place to call our own, but mom always made sure we had some where to go.
I’ve had my share of heart breaks, etc. I tried community college a few times after high school, but I never could/would stick to it. I was only going because that’s “what you should do”. I started to forget about my dreams. School didn’t work for me not once out of the at least 4 times I tried. I moved in with my, at the time fiancé, and his mom maybe 2 months after high school. We worked minimum wage jobs just to feed ourselves. We were young, in love, and stupid of course not even knowing who we were. We struggled a lot financially as well as in our relationship. So much pressure. So young. We had a baby 20 years old; still babies ourselves. She is a blessing, but we weren’t ready, and reality hit us fast.
We went ahead and got married when our daughter was 6 months. We were still struggling and still living with my mother in law the 1st 4 years of our relationship. We finally moved out on our own with our baby and it only got harder for us. I couldn’t even really begin to talk about the demons we’ve faced. I became depressed and anxious over time. It seemed like everybody around me was going through too and to be honest that added to the depression. As bad as I thought it was for me, I hate to see other people going through. I genuinely care, I used to think I was weird and I cared too much. I job hopped and we kind of stood still it seemed like. I gained weight, I went from 135lbs to 220lbs. The depression got worse, I tried counseling and the doctors even put me on meds. It drove me personally crazy, to me it seemed to make me worse. I eventually tried to commit suicide. I know now it was selfish, but I felt weak, I felt alone, I felt like I failed as a wife and a mother. I felt like my daughter was better off without me and like everybody else was too because I couldn’t help nobody the way I wanted too not even myself…
However, everything is overcomeable (may not be a real word but…). We all just need a little help sometimes. A simple hand to say get up baby you can make it through this and that can be from anybody, given to anybody. I realized though if you need help, it may be hard for you to help me especially if we’re trying to figure out how to overcome the same thing. Typically, what happens is we don’t realize that just by changing the way we think we can help ourselves and each other…. I’m personally tired of been sick and tired of being broke, depressed, overweight, insecure, I’m tired of crying. I’m tired of sitting on the phone with someone I love and that’s all I can do is listen to them cry. That makes me feel helpless and my spirit sinks within me. I hate feeling weak and to be stuck in feeling weak, held captive, sunken within in yourself for years is one of the hardest if not the hardest battle you’ll have to fight. Sometimes I stay off social media for periods at a time and I don’t watch the news ever because 9 timestime outta 10 you’re going to see somebody going through something. I think if I could…. I would… I yearn to be able to….
I started to dream again, to believe I could again. To love me again! I’ve remembered my name. And i’ve remember that I’m passionate about poetry, dancing, good books, music, spending quality time with family, hanging with friends, traveling, I love to talk, I love helping people, I love to encourage others even when I can’t encourage myself. I believe in healing I want to heal and help others along the way, I feel like we can do it together.
I have big dreams to help out my community, to help women just like me who have struggled with insecurities, self-doubt etc. I want to reach suicide victims, mothers, I want to help families heal, become closer etc. I want to help children keep them dreaming. I want to help domestic violence victims, co-parenting issues, the homeless, people who just need a little more help rather it’s getting their license back, getting things expunged from their record so they may have better opportunities or finding affordable housing and jobs. I want to help former convicts get back on their feet. How do we expect them to do anything better when we wont give them a chance to?
I feel as though our crime rate is high because our kids/teens don’t have anything to do our parents can’t afford nice summer camps etc. My grandmother taught me long ago a child is going to be a child if you don’t give them something to do they’re going to find something to do and that’s one of the realest things I’ve ever heard. We don’t have enough resources, support. I want to be able to help men heal, to talk and release. I recently found out that the suicide rate for men is higher than it is for anyone. I believe part of that comes from our men clocking out as boys, because their taught “you’re a big boy shut up get up and dust yourself off”? I can’t imagine not giving my son the same love and affection I give my daughter.
If anyone would like to contact me regarding my foundation Impressions On The Heart the best way at the time to contact me would be via email firstname.lastname@example.org
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