How I positively Grieved

After the death of my mom
By Ashley Moss – Guest Blogger

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Seven months ago, my mom died from pancreatic cancer at the age of 57. Her cancer diagnosis and death were hard for me to deal with and grasp because I had a close bond with my mom. She was one of my best friends, and a single mom to me and both of my siblings. Thus, letting her go and coming to terms with her death was tough for me. 

The day she died, I felt like both my parents had been ripped away from me in a moment’s notice because I had never had a father growing up. She was my biggest supporter in life, and we often depended on each other for strength and guidance throughout the last years of her life. When she died, I didn’t immediately start to grieve. Though I wanted to, it took me several weeks to get over the shock and denial of realizing that my hero had died. Besides, I couldn’t grieve after my mom’s passing because I had to write out her obituary, contact my mom’s church and her pastor for the funeral and burial services, contact her boss about having the repast at her place of work, and pack up my mom’s things. It was a month after my mom’s death that her absence started to affect me, and I started to grieve.

After the funeral and burial services were over and I had packed up my mom’s things and donated them to charity, I went home. I went home, locked my bedroom door, laid down in my bed, and cried for 3-4 hours straight. I cried because I missed her. I cried because I needed her then, and I couldn’t have her comfort me in that moment like she had done so many times before. I cried because I knew the credits had rolled on the memories and bond that I had made with her, and I couldn’t start them over again with her by my side. I grieved long and hard for about three and a half months before I began to feel at peace with my mom’s death and let her go. 
I had cried enough. It was time to try to begin to piece the pieces of my life back together again.

One morning in April, I woke up and decided to put away the bereavement cards that people had given me and family members out of my sight. Then, another day I found myself crying less about her death, beginning to move forward with my life, and finding my way of the sadness that I had been in since her death. Lastly, I woke up one day in the first week of July before noon and felt that it was time to stop grieving so heavily for my mom and time to start living my life again. I had cried enough. It was time to try to begin to piece the pieces of my life back together again. It was six months after my mom’s passing that I came to this decision, but it was mine and I had come to the resolution on my own.
The peace that I feel now after positively going through the stages of grief and not trying to rush or obliterate the process from my experience was worth it. I still have sad days and find myself crying sometimes when I think of her and her memory, but for the most part I’m choosing to deal with grief over the loss of my mom in a positive way. I refuse to let depression, sadness, and grief cripple me.
 The following is a list of how I try to positively grieve my mom’s death daily.

1. I embrace my Christian faith. I find comfort in it and reading the bible day to day as I remember the things my mom taught me about God and her favorite bible verses.

2. I stay in touch with family members, friends, and people who meant a lot to my mom. On sad days, I tell family members and friends to check on me as well as to pray for me. To add to, talking to mom’s old friends on the phone and hearing them tell me stories about her and her love for me helps on sad days.

3. I try to still celebrate special dates that meant a lot to mom and me even in her absence from my life. Her birthday was a big deal to us both, so this year I went out to eat on her birthday as if I were still treating her. I also plan to donate money to a cancer foundation on her death anniversary this year and carry out holiday traditions that my mom started with my siblings and me.

4. I give myself space and time to grieve. If there’s a day where I feel sad and want to wallow in my sadness over my mom’s death, I let myself do so for however long I need to that day. Afterwards, I resume my plans for the day or week. I don’t force myself to feel better right away or to be done grieving her death by a certain time. I’ll always miss her and will never be fully done grieving her death.

5. I try to express my feelings daily in some form or way. I don’t hold my feelings in or try to hide my feelings about my mom’s death. Sometimes, I will talk them over with family and friends. Other times, I’ll journal my feelings or write a poem about them.

There is no right or wrong way to grieve a loved one that has passed on. Nor is there a time limit that was put on how long a person should grieve for their deceased loved one. My advice to everyone out there who is grieving the death of a loved one is to go with the flow and find what works for you as you grieve. I did.
ashley Moss
Guest Blogger // AshleyMossAuthor.weebly.com
Ashley Moss was born and raised in Memphis, Tn. She is the middle child of three children born to her mother, and she dearly loves her family. She is an aspiring journalist and writer who is finishing up her third degree at Southern New Hampshire University online. She also loves reading, writing, anything inspirational, and pizza.

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